Thursday, February 23, 2006

If you can't say anything nice...

Then say it about Dick "Old Cranky Ass" Button. WTF is up with this man?! My blood pressure is just climbing through the roof listening to him and Scott "One Nut" Hamilton debate the merits of the various skaters. Yeah, yeah, maybe the "one nut" comment was a little cruel, since he is a cancer survivor and all, and I give him snaps for that, but fer Chrissakes, can we try to at least say something halfway nice about each skater before we skin her alive and put her on the roasting spit?
Dick, Dick, Dick...we all know that you were an Olympic medalist in the Paleozoic Era, because you never ever let us forget it. Ever. No resting on your laurels for you. Even thought the most exciting thing you did was the figures (which you are constantly harping about bring back--like it's not real "figure skating" anymore because we the viewers and the competitors aren't bored out of our skulls by the tedium of watching and doing them)--and maybe a single axel. Were you still using wooden blades then? Maybe we should be calling you Dick "Hans Brinker" Button"? Scott, I was willing to cut you some slack because you can do the backflip, but jeez, you are starting to sound more and more like Ol' Buttonbutt. Give me Brian Boitano as a commentator any day. And Peggy Fleming. Both of them seem to remember that it's not easy to spin around and jump on thin steel blades on ice. And that everyone who comes to the Olympics or any competitor for that matter has worked their asses off to get there. It's not like anybody can join the team...unless it's curling. Wonder if you can use a Swiffer for curling? (Don't even get me started on the curling--my eyes, the numbing of my brain!!)

The poor woman who skated in the black and silver jumpsuit (with low back and who was not Irina Slutsakaya or however you spell it) never had a chance in the Button play book. Every single word out of his mouth was derogatory, denigrating and just plain ol' mean, and made me want head to Torino and put ol' Dick out on the ice and use a cattle prod to make him triple toe loop his skinny old ass across the rink. It sounded like Scott Hamilton and Sandra Bezic (I think it's her) were kind of uncomfortable with his commentary and tried to soften it or at least point out something nice about the skater's performance. But after a few minutes, Scott had to chime in and join the Butthole Bandwagon. I don't know if I can even last to the end of the competition. I'm tempted to Google the winner so I can stop listening to the annoying buzz.

Now, the Men's Freestyle Ski Jump event thingy is rocking! That Hurricane thing is freakin' amazing! 5 Stories in the air. In. The. Air. On skis. And, you have to land upright. Upright!! Whoa!

ETA: This morning (2/24), I did look up ol ButtonButt on Wikipedia , and to be fair and honest, here's what it said: "Button was the first skater to successfully land the double axel jump in competition (in 1948), although on the video it appears he did not complete the full rotation, as well as the first triple jump of any kind -- a triple loop -- in 1952." So, I was may or may not have been off base with the single axel remark, since the entry does mention that he might not have completed the full rotation. Still, ground-breaking or ass-breaking, he could be a little more polite in his biting commentary.

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