Who-Cakes

As in "Horton Hears a..." Who-Cakes from IHOP. Yep, they're running a promotion in conjunction with the movie release. I guess it's different from the ubiquitious Happy Meal promo that most movies do, and let's not completely rule that out just yet.

The Man and I were corresponding while we were at work last week, about his need to go to the Target and pick up a birthday present for one of this co-workers. He also mentioned that he'd like to go to IHOP for dinner, because they had Who-Cakes. He had been told, on good authority (i.e., someone under 25) he said, that they were "awesome," or "they rocked," or something equally as appetizing. Yeah, okay, whatever.

Have not been the biggest fan of IHOP since they did away with all the "international" parts of their menu. Granted, the Swedish Pancakes with the lingonberry butter were and are my favorites from the "international" line...but seriously folks, how does Swedish and French constitute "International?" What happened to all the other countries? Was there some falling out with the UN? Inquiring minds want to know, dammit!

The original (and for the longest time the onliest) IHOP in my Hometown is one of the ones that looks like an A-frame with the bright blue roof. The ones that looked like a great idea as far as that great 50s-60s thematic marketing, but are a bitch to run a restaurant in because they have so much wasted space? (I keep trying to find a picture of one, but no such luck.)

But, who can forget the "old" IHOP, with its table spanning row of exotic syrups--Boysenberry, Blueberry, Pecan, etc., that were always sticky and had pretty much permanently adhered themselves to the table? And, going in after a little bit o' partying to have chocolate chip pancakes with extra whipped cream? (Now, you know where all that extra poundage I have came from...a misspent youth!)

Our current locale's IHOP is a new structure, built last year. It has none of the charm of that old A-frame, and the overall menu from IHOP has pretty much become Shoney's. Woo Hoo, or should I say "Who Hoo," because we need to get on with the talking about the Who Cakes.

So, we go to IHOP and peruse the menu of Who offerings. Since it's The Man's idea, he's the one that's going to eat them. (He made the tactical error of babbling something about "giving me a ready-made blog post", so, he was required to field the Who-experience in its entirety.)

I insist that he start with the Beezlenut Juice, which, according to IHOP, is "the Who-drink of choice." It's clear, carbonated, with floating cubes of red and blue...essentially Sprite with black cherry and blue blueberry Jell-o cubes. Doesn't this look appetizing? All floaty and blue...did I mention blue?

The Who-Menu choices included the Mayor's Breakfast, which involves Green Eggs & Ham (like that wasn't a given?), Who-Hashbrowns, and a side of the Who-Cakes.

The Green Eggs and Ham is really not as bad as it sounds. You get a slice of ham and some scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese...sort of a chopped up omelet, if you will. They weren't half bad. See for yourself:

But, then the Who-Waitress set the Who-Cakes before us, and lo, they are every bit as frightening as the picture paints them to be...if not more so, because they were actually sitting on our table!



Who-Cakes get points for clever presentation, even though you can't get the full effect of it, sitting in your comfortable chair at home or work. The Who-Cakes are actually all different sizes (and you know the kitchen crew just groans in totalmindnumbingagony every time they have to make this dish), and should be stacked at off angles for that Who effect we all know and love. Our IHOP was not so much with the stacking, but the Technicolor glory is just as impressive. (Check out the picture at the IHOP website to see how the Who-Food Stylist of the Who-Damned thought they should appear.)

According to the menu description, they have "boysenberry and blueberry glaze, with rainbow chocolate chips, and a pink lollipop on top." I assume the lollipop represents the dandelion that the Whos live upon...just assuming. (And, they weren't "glazed so much as "drenched" with the pastel lavender and blue glop that was purported to be "glaze." See the evil glaze in my eye when exposed to too much gimmicky stuff during dinner?)

I'll give The Man props for actually consuming most of his meal...at the last few bites of Who Cakes, he realized that he was on a serious sugar overload and heading for a crash of cataWhostrophic proportions, so he threw in his Who Fork.


I think it was the candy-coated chocolate chips that did it, don't you?

You know that the marketing genius who came up with this promotion had never heard of the USDA Food Pyramid, because this is serious overload of sugar, fat, and calories, and also doesn't have children. Who (pun? ha!) in their right mind would actually feed their own child this mess and then get into an enclosed metal box, aka minivan, with them and travel?

That, my dears, would be a Seussian nightmare of Who-Hell.