Thursday, February 05, 2015

Fifty Shades of Chicken

This poultry-only lifestyle is getting a bit old.  I try to supplement with seafood when I can, but chicken is just the easier go-to option.  I am throwing turkey in where I can, too, but still...

I almost mugged a guy in the Atlanta airport a few weeks ago for sitting down near me in the gate area and eating a Five Guys burger.  That burger smelled like unicorn tears and angel feathers, and it was all I could do to not launch myself across the seats and snatch it from him like a rabid animal.  I ended up moving to a completely different gate area across the hallway to get away from him.  I was a bit afraid for his life and his burger.

So, whilst wandering around the house and dusting, I spied a cookbook that might help with elevating the humble chicken a bit.  Not that I have been eating totally bland and boring meals, because Prince Charming has been pulling out the stops at dinner to spice things up as he works through a couple of Indian cookbooks, and I am extremely grateful for his generosity.  But that means I've not been cooking much lately, and I feel the need to get back on that track.

Back to the dusting.  I rediscovered a gift from a  previous Christmas called Fifty Shades of Chicken.  Yes, it is a parody of *that* book, and it is absolutely hysterical.  There's a website,, with a video that's a hoot, too.  The recipes have names like "Mustard Spanked Chicken,""Extra Virgin Breast," and my favorite title, "Backdoor Beer Can Chicken" get the picture.  I've made a couple of things out of the book, and they were good.  The intro to the recipes is the best part.  To be honest, I've not read any of the Fifty Shades books.  I tried...I got to the 3rd or 4th chapter in the first one, and my brain just shut down from the bad writing and horrific lack of depth to the female character.  Don't think I am above reading some racy stuff, because I like a good, well-written, semi-historically accurate bodice ripper or sexy supernatural romancey thing that doesn't devolve into insane menages with men who have hair down to their ankles. (Looking at you, Laurell Hamilton.  You totally ruined the Anita Blake series with your inane attempts at soft porn...just ruined it. Besides, all that hair would totally get in the way.)

I also like that there are pictures of the techniques, as well as the finished recipes.  Pictures like this:

Need I say more?

Next time, adventures in turkey sausage! (hahahahahaha!)

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