Rollin' Out the Red...

...Velvet that is. Yep, you know it's holiday time at Poodlevania when the kitchen looks like a set for Saw XXIV or whatever number that unholy franchise is up to now.

Seriously, I feel that it is my duty to seek out and consume as much red velvety goodness as I possibly can during the month of December...for some reason, it doesn't taste the same during any other time of the year. Probably goes back to my grandmother only making it during the holidays, so it really was a special treat.

(Do not get me wrong--you put a slab of Red Velvet cake in front of me in the middle of July, I'm eating it...don't even try to stop me. "Seasonal" only goes so far...)

So, I'm in the process of making my first one this year, and I have decided to try something new. I know, I know, it sound sacrilegious, but sometimes, you just have to think outside the cake pan.

I was going through the recipe folder in my inbox and found one for a Red Velvet Roll cake. Never having made a roll cake before, I thought why the hell not? Plus, I'm supposed to bring something to a party tonight, so why not experiment! These are probably famous last words...

Here's the recipe, and I'm not really sure where the heck I got it. I apologize profusely for not giving credit. However, I think I got it from the Baking Bites blog, because it seems to be the exact same recipe, but I am not 100% sure. I could have gotten it from somewhere else on the vast Internets, and that person swiped it from Baking Bites.

Red Velvet Roll Cake

3/4 cup sifted cake flour
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
4 large eggs, room temperature
3/4 cup sugar
1 tbsp vegetable oil
2 tbsp buttermilk
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp red food coloring

Preheat oven to 350F. Line a jelly roll pan (approximately 17"x12"x1") with aluminum foil and grease it well with some vegetable oil or cooking spray.

Sift together sifted cake flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt into asmall bowl. Set aside.

In a large bowl, beat the eggs together with an electric mixer on high speed. Once they are frothy, slowly add in the sugar. Beat until light, approximately 5 minutes. Beat in the vegetable oil, buttermilk, vinegar, vanilla and red food coloring. Working steadily, but gradually, mix in the cocoa mixture with the electric mixer at a low speed.

Pour batter into prepared pan and bake for 12-15 minutes, until cake springs back when lightly pressed in the center.

While cake is baking, sift some confectioners' sugar onto a large, clean dish towel. When you remove the cake from the oven, carefully flip it over onto the dish towel. Peel off the foil (it should come off easily because it was greased) and roll the cake up in the dish towel, beginning with a short end.

Place cake, hot but wrapped in the towel, seam-side down on a wire rack to cool completely (at least 1 hour). Prepare filling (below) while it cools.

Cream Cheese Filling

8 oz. cream cheese, room temperature
1/4 cup butter, room temperature
3 cups confectioners' sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract

Beat all ingredients together until light and spreadable. When cake is cool, gently unwrap it and spread the inside with the filling. Re-roll and place on a serving platter. Dust with more confectioners' sugar before serving. Serves 8-10

The batter for this cake was extremely thin and seemed a bit more cocoa-ey than a regular Red Velvet. I jacked up the food coloring a bit, because I like my Red Velvet to be r-e-d. Otherwise, it's just a dirty brown chocolate cake. And, I was kind of worried about what it would look like, based on the sheer amount of cocoa...this was really leaning into the "dirty brown" category.

I used parchment paper as well, instead of foil, because I could and I had more parchment than foil in the cabinet. I don't know if that change contributed to the outcome or not...'cause you know there was an "outcome.'

The hardest part at first was trying to get the batter evenly spread over over the parchment lined pan. Of course, one side has to be thinner than the other, always. I envy people who can get their batters even for cakes...envy them.

So, I cook the cake for about 12 minutes, popped it out onto the dish towel and removed the parchment. I rolled it up in the towel, knocking over the box of vanilla extract on the counter. Hmm...it was a new bottle of vanilla, still in the box, which meant I forgot to put it in the cake. Yeah. Well, hell, with all that cocoa powder, who is going to notice if there's a wispy little note of vanilla or not.

I pulled the cake out and rolled it in the dish towel...so far, so good, but it really is more brown than red. I cooled it for the requisite hour, unrolled it, and spread the filling inside. During the unrolling process, part of the cake stuck to the towel...sort of like the "skin" of the cake. The resultant "log" looked like it had the mange or some other affliction.

I dutifully cut the ends off to tidy it up and ate them and was extremely disappointed. It was dry and too chocolatey...not red velvety enough.

The ends/edges were drier because the batter didn't spread evenly, but there really was way too much cocoa powder involved in this train wreck of a cake. I think if I were to make it again, I would definitely reduce the amount of cocoa...and feel free to chime in with suggestions of your own. Also, more red food coloring. Don't care that it might make me crazy or cause tumors, I want me some R-E-D velvet cake. Besides, I think I already are crazy.

I had some serious misgivings about the amount of cocoa in the recipe, because this is not really a chocolate cake...I've read articles and other blogs' posts about it being just a "chocolate cake colored red," but it's not. Most of the recipes call for 2 tablespoons at the most, which is half the cocoa in this recipe. IMSBO (that would be "in my seriously biased opinion," the cocoa's purpose is to give more complexity and depth to the cake's flavor and not be overwhelming...sort of like all those fancy wine descriptions that involve "hints of oak and notes of kumquat." (When kumquat start writing you notes, then you know you've had too much wine...I'm just sayin'.)

However, the one good thing to come out of this is that the parchment paper was a great success in keeping the cake from sticking. I like that part.

And, all was not totally lost for the day, because I made a smacking good dip, which was the main thing I was taking to the party anyway, and I'll post that recipe in my next entry, 'cause I'm tired and I have to get some sleep and put on my game face for the customer tomorrow...kind of like the Fat Dog.

The One Where I Make a Coconut Cake

And, it actually seemed to turn out just fine. I know, gasp! I actually baked something that did not turn into some sort of unmitigated disaster. And, I sort of made up the recipe, too...well, cobbled it together from some other sources. Boo-yah! (Although, I did forget to take a picture...rats.)

In preparing for the annual "It's the Great Easter Brunch and Peep Head Spit, Charlie Brown," at Tessa's, we were chatting about what to bring. She is enamored of the mushroom gratin thingy and requested that, and I also mentioned that I had seen a recipe in Bon Appétit for some Coconut Cream Cupcakes that involved reducing coconut milk. In reading the reviews of the recipe (by people who had actually made the recipe), the reduction time of the coconut milk seemed to vary wildly.

(And, have you ever noticed when you look at the recipe reviews on Bon Appetit/Epicurious, that about 90% of the people rave about how wonderful it was, but only because they changed X, Y, and Z. They never seem to actually make the recipe as it is written...which is fine and wonderful, because the recipe is really a guide and you can add your own little touches, BUT some of these people totally re-create the recipe in a different space-time continuum. I kind of agree with Paula Deen about making the recipe once by the book and then, the next time, jazz it up and make it your own. That way, you at least know how it was supposed to turn out and what you really liked or didn't like about it. But, that's just little ol' me.)

Tessa says to heck with reducing coconut milk--that's too much work. Why not use Coco Lopez instead? Coco Lopez is essentially the drink mixer version of Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk only with cream of coconut. Coco Lopez is the definitive brand mixer for pina coladas...and is pretty darn tasty straight from the can. (I also like the Bacardi Pina Colada mixer in the frozen juice section. That is a serious "can licking" mixer! Plus, it seems you can add an indefinite amount of alcohol to 1 can of mixer and not taste it...trust me, I have tested that for you.) The recipes on the Coco Lopez site include an easy coconut cream cake that is pretty similar to what I cobbled together from my other "research." When I described it to Linna, she dubbed it "Duo Leches" cake, because what could be better than a dessert involving either Coco Lopez or Eagle Brand? Why a dessert that combines them, of course! And one that is easy, because it involves dressing up a boxed mix.

Duo Leches Easter Cake
(or any other time you want to make it because you have the urge for coconut cake!

1 box yellow cake mix (I used a Duncan Hines Super Moist...not sure that it matters)

1 15-oz can Coco Lopez Cream of Coconut

1 14-oz can Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk

2 cups heavy whipping cream

2 cups sour cream

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 bag sweetened coconut (I used Angel Flake, because it's what my grandmother always used for German chocolate cakes)

Procedure:

1. Make the cake according to the package directions, whatever they may be, using a 13x9-inch rectangular pan in which to bake it.

2. While the cake is baking, whip together the Coco Lopez and the Eagle Brand and set aside.

3. When the cake comes out of the oven, poke holes in it, using a skewer or fork. Pour the Coco Lopez-Eagle Brand mixture over the warm cake, letting it soak in the holes. I did not use all of the mixture, because I didn't want the cake to become mush...I'd say use 3/4 of it.

4. Let the cake cool completely before frosting. I cooled it and then refrigerated it overnight before frosting it, but that was only because I was serving it the next day.

For the frosting:

1. Whip the 2 cups of heavy cream until stiff. Fold in the 2 cups of sour cream, and fold in the vanilla.

2. Fold in about 1/2 -3/4 of the bag of flaked coconut. Spread frosting on the cake and sprinkle with reserved coconut. Cut into squares and serve, hording the leftovers for yourself. : )

This is a very moist cake, and it won't be a pretty cake when you serve it, because you're dishing it out of the pan in which you cooked it, but that's how these cakes are meant to be dished up. You could be fancy and make it a layer cake or a Bundt cake, but I'd be worried about getting enough of the "duo mix" soaked in. Plus, I'm not sure the frosting would actually adhere to the sides of the cake. It would be a bit sad to have all the frosting slide off onto the table, and there's probably some passage in Emily Post that says you aren't allowed to lick anything off the table cloth.

I was going to be fancy and toast the coconut to give the cake a little extra "oomph." Yeah...when I had to go and get a 2nd bag of coconut, I realize why you should just buy two bags to begin with...you will take your eyes off the coconut that has been in the oven for 11 minutes and realize that minute 13 was the indicator for "charred coconut." You could also color the coconut green and scatter jelly beans on it, and I won't ever speak to you again, but, you could do that. Jelly beans have no place as part of food...not even as garnish. Don't get me started on black jelly beans, either. Anise/licorice is the most poisonous taste I can think of...ever.

I'm still not sure what to do with the leftover "duo" mixture...somehow, putting over cereal seems a bit much, don't you think? Maybe I can use it as coffee creamer...that will really jolt my day--caffeine and sugar, lots of sugar!

The Boat Sinker

Yay...holidays for one. Not exactly excited to be back in that boat at all. No real cooking this year per se; made the mushroom gratin thingy for dinner at Tessa's and brought butter to Kimma's for lunch (you just had to be there for the butter thing; don't even try to make me explain). Hard to believe that I made the mushroom gratin thingy only a year ago for a totally different sort of Thanksgiving...sometimes it seems like it was a hundred years ago and definitely another lifetime.

Speaking of boats, because you know how I like to stretch things for the blog theme, the night before Turkey Day, we gathered in Kimma's kitchen and watched her prepare dessert for the next day. (Watching is so much better than doing, don't you think? Although, I did help load the dishwasher!) Kimma is all about the big ass dinner, and I am damn grateful that she is! So, in addition to carrot cake and pumpkin pie, she made "boat sinker" pies.

I am assuming they are known as "boat sinkers," because it's within the realm of possibility that you could sink a boat after having a piece of this dense, fudgey, chocolatey goodness. This pie embodies all that is simultaneously bad and good about Thanksgiving--the bad-for-you yummy good things.

Boat Sinker Pie

5 sticks of butter (yes Virginia, that is FIVE sticks of butter; Paula Deen would be proud)

1 cup dark corn syrup

7.5 oz unsweetened chocolate

3 cups of sugar

9 eggs (have to balance out the butter somehow)

3 tsp vanilla

2-3 unbaked pie shells (the original recipe says it makes 2, but it always makes 3 very full pies...trust us on this one)

* Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

* Microwave butter and corn syrup together in a microwave-safe bowl for 9 minutes on HIGH. Stir well. Add unsweetened chocolate and microwave an additional 4 minutes. Set aside.

* Place sugar in a large bowl; stir in eggs and vanilla by hand, until well blended. Stir in chocolate mixture...temper a little of it into the egg mixture so the eggs don't scramble.

* Pour filling evenly into the pie shells--the filling is extremely liquid, so be very careful when you are porting the unbaked pies to the oven.

* Bake for 22 minutes at 325 degrees. Reduce heat to 275 degrees and bake for 25 more minutes. Cool to room temperature (if you can stand it) before serving. Add whipped cream and/or ice cream before serving.

I am in total awe of a recipe that has this amount of butter and calls for microwaving it with corn syrup...sounds like kitchen science experiment disaster in the making, doesn't it? At the very least, I'm always waiting for the door to blow off the microwave during the process. And, another fraught-with-danger moment is the transfer of the filled pie shells to the oven...that liquid chocolatey filling is not an easy thing to move without spilling.

Baking the pie transforms it into a dense chocolate masterpiece...with a deep chocolate flavor and a fudgey texture. I find it highly amusing that the recipe suggests adding whipped cream or ice cream when serving...like you need any more "butter fat" than the 5 sticks already included!

Yeah, it's been a craptastic year for the most part, and I know that Thanksgiving is not just about the food...no, seriously, I heard that somewhere--not just about the food. I'm thankful for:

* Poodles (yes, even the poodles who trashed my house while I went to the grocery store; was gone 45 minutes, and they managed to eviscerate several stuffed animals, which made the living room look like an Aspen ski slope, AND chewed a hole in Janet's birthday present...which was a jigsaw puzzle, so I told her it was "marked with love," and that she was damn lucky that the New Hotness didn't decide to eat one of the pieces!)

* Butter, of course, and cheese;

* The brave new world coming in January;

*and most of all--my friends, both old and new.

It's a matter of taste...or tasting

The Man and I sort of did a little post-Valentine's Day celebration on Friday night. We made reservations at our little chi-chi chef-owned joint and set out to have a verrrrry nice dinner. This place is one of those little gems that, while expensive, has been worth it. The staff have been well trained in the art of table service, and they seem to be rather knowledgeable about their menu and the ingredients.

It's been awhile since we ate there, and I remember that I was really pleased with our meal the last time, so I was really looking forward to dinner. Now, before you settle in with the popcorn and Coke in anticipation of a spiraling downward experience that ends badly for everyone, that's not really this post. This post is going to be more of me harping about perceptions and value. It's nowhere near the scale of the un-grilled vegetable grilled vegetable panini, but it's just something that's sort of stayed with me for the last few days.

The menu was small, which I like--we can kvetch about the size of the Cheesecake Factory's menu later--and there was an option to have a 5-course tasting menu for $55/person; $85/person with wine pairings. Which sounds like a lotta moola for a meal, but is also darn cheap for a tasting menu, not to mention a tasting menu with wine. We won't even talk about how much a tasting menu at The French Laundry will run you...like $240 for 9 courses...and no, that does not include wine pairings--that be extra.

But, even though I've never eaten at TFL, and may not ever, it's just sort of always held that penultimate place in my tiny pea brain that it would be the end all, be all of tasting menus, and by golly, it should set the standard for all other tasting menus...even though I've never tasted any of it. (I never said this was going to be a logical and rational post, but I'm hoping it sort of makes sense.)

I guess what I'm trying to get across is that I expect that a "tasting menu" will reflect the chef's philosophy on food and showcase some of the best ingredients and his or her best techniques. And, then there's the whole "you get what you pay for" idea, too.

Anyway, the food was good, but overall, it wasn't a phenomenal meal. I don't think it held a candle to the meal we had the last time we were there...I remember a phenomenal Veal Osso Buco with a blue cheese risotto that had me practically licked the plate while finishing it.

We started with Billi Bi, a lovely seafood soup, so hope was high. It was creamy, loaded with mussels, and most tasty, and came with a lovely champagne pour. It's really hard not to like champagne, and I just always feel very decadent when I drink it...it's like the onomatopoeia for celebration. (Yeah, that was a stretch, but how often do you get to use onomatopoeia outside of an English class?)

The next course was the salad, which was nothing spectacular. Some baby greens, a few pine nuts, and a shallot-bacon dressing. Nothing memorable...just a salad.

The fish course was a roasted tilapia over some creamy grits, and it was very tasty. Tilapia always seems to be the tofu of fish--it's white, mild, and pairs well with just about any flavoring, seasoning, and cooking method. It was crispy yet flaky and moist...and the grits were divine. I love grits...I like them with a ton of butter for breakfast. Add a little bacon and cheese, and I'm in heaven. Shrimp and grits is a fine and wonderful Low Country dish, and I'm always happy to see any sort of cheesy grits as a side dish in any restaurant. I swear that I had the best breakfast grits in a Colorado Springs hotel--they were perfectly cooked, salted, and buttered. I figured they had some displaced Southern chained up in the kitchen.

The entree was pork loin....which was good, and one of the things that The Man was considering ordering to begin with, but I guess my problem with it as the entree was that it wasn't anything different from what was on the regular menu. It was one of the less expensive items on the menu, as well, so I don't feel like it was something created special for the tasting menu. And, it did not help that as the intermezzo, to cleanse the ol' palate, we were served a scoop of mango sorbet that was Haagen Daaz. Not knocking the HD, but please...how hard is it to make your own sorbet? It was too sweet to be a palate cleanser, which is why I know darn well it was HD.

I guess I should have listened more carefully when our waiter said that they had created this tasting menu as a Valentine's special the day before. It just seemed to me that it was the tasting menu for the masses, if you know what I mean. If I had shown up on VD and gotten this as a "special" for the day, that would have been fine. I know that VD is a day that servers hate the most, because it brings everyone out of the woodwork, and they all want the mostest speshulest dining experience. Which is one of the reasons we went with the day after for our little celebration. Just a little disappointed...but it's not like I've never experienced a disappointing Valentine's holiday before...comes with the gender, I guess.

The thing that saved the evening was dessert. We got a rectangular plate of 3 mini-desserts, which is something I wish more restaurants would do. Sometimes, I want a little something sweet at the end of the meal, but I don't want to commit to the Chocolate Hurricane Avalanche Overload Surprise with 2 scoops of ice cream. Sometimes, I just want a wee tiny bite of somethin'-somethin' that's not an Andes mint. So, there was 2-3 truffles, something in the middle that I, for the life of me, cannot remember, and this little miniature Pavlova with some fresh fruit.

At the beginning of the meal, the waiter had asked if there was anything we did not like (Brussels sprouts are high on that list), and if we had any allergies. The Man is allergic to almonds and peanuts. He can eat other nuts, as in don't get in the way of him and a bag of pistachios, but those 2 give him some issues. Waiter says that he will note it on the ticket.

The Man eats the truffles, and says, "that one had peanut butter in it." I'm thinking that this might actually be the one that does send him over the edge and into an anaphylactic reaction, but thank goodness no. He does mention it to the waiter, who apologizes all over himself, but seriously, if The Man had been a person who was highly reactive, we would have finished dessert in an ambulance. And, I guess I thought that the chef or pastry chef would have come out to apologize as well.

The little individual Pavlova was a work of dessert art. It was a little meringue crown filled with whipped cream and blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries that had been macerated in something. It was sweet, crispy, and melt-in-your mouth. Quite a different experience from those goofy meringue cookies that were the fat-free rage over the last 3-4 years.

The funniest thing that happened was one of the wait staff cleared our table after the fish course...I mean completely cleared it as in the "you're done with dinner and have opted not to take dessert" kind of cleared. It was amusing to watch them scramble around to reset us for the last 2 courses.

Anyway, this has degenerated in some rambling crap now, and I think I might have totally lost the whole point of this diatribe, to boot. Oh, the kicker--we figured out that we would have been much better off ordering full apps, entrees, and desserts, price-wise. Isn't that a hoot?

Thanksgiving Per Due

Gearing up for the annual feast once again. This year, I will not be inviting the firemen to our house, thank you very much. This year, I am not making the vast amount of food I made last year...I'm keeping it simple...or at least simple as I can.

We're having beef, a boneless ribeye roast, and from last year, the green beans with bacon and shallots, along with the renamed Mushroom Gratin, and a Chocolate-Pistachio Torte...it's the "Something Old, Something New, and Something Chocolate, All Bon Appetit, All the Time Thanksgiving," because all the recipes came from various issues of Bon Appetit.

The very first Thanksgiving that The Man and I spent together as a married twosome, we spent alone...just us and the poodles...of which we only had 2 at the time. About 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, I got a new December issue of Bon Appetit, with a recipe for Roast New York Strip Loin with Garlic-Herb Crust that sounded really yummy.

I was getting more and more adventurous with cooking, because hey--it's way more fun to cook for two than it was for one--and we lived very close to an international farmer's market, where I could get a lot of exotic ingredients quickly and easily.

This roast requires a garlic-herb paste that can be left on overnight, so a couple of days before Turkey Day 2000, The Man and I headed to fight the crowds at the farmer's market to get this roast. I confidently went to the meat counter and made my request for 5-pound NY Strip Roast. The counterman smiled and went off to get my meat. He brought it out, presented it to me for inspection, and then wrapped it up and put the price label on it. As he handed me the wrapped piece of meat, I saw the price tag and almost dropped the roast. $57 was on the little label sticker. Fifty-seven dollars. I almost stroked out on the spot. For some reason, my little math-challenged brain did not equate that since the price-per-pound for a single NY Strip would also be the price-per-pound for the roast...why I thought buying luxury meat in bulk form would get me an discount, I have no idea.

So, I'm clutching this piece of meat and generally freaking out about how expensive this meat was, and how I'd never really cooked a roast before, much less one that cost $57 freakin' dollars, blah, blah blah blah. The Man assures me that it will be fine, that I can cook this with no problem, and it would turn out just fine. And, you know what, it did. It was even fine on the next day, when my friend Kimma came over, and we did Black Friday, and we were going to eat leftovers for dinner that got put on hold for about 8 more hours because we spent that in an emergency room with The Man, who tried to surgically remove a finger with a Leatherman. (It was a highly exciting time, and for several years after, Kimma asked what we were going to do to top it...NOT!)

It's damn tasty, no matter how you slice it.

Last year, I wrote about the savory mushroom bread pudding, which I tweaked and renamed a gratin, even though I'm not sure it's a gratin either. Anyway, it's awesome as a side dish, and I don't know why I haven't made since last Thanksgiving, because we really liked it.

Mushroom-Parmesan Gratin

1 (1-pound) loaf crusty country-style white bread
1/4 cup olive oil
4 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme
1 large garlic clove, minced

6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) butter
1 pound assorted fresh mushrooms (such as cremini, button, portobello, and stemmed shiitake), thinly sliced
1 1/2 cups finely chopped onion
1 1/2 cups thinly sliced celery
1 cup finely chopped red and yellow bell pepper
1/3 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley

3 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream
8 large eggs
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/3 cup shredded Parmesan cheese

Procedure:

1. Preheat oven to 375°F.

2. Butter 13x9x2-inch glass baking dish. Cut bottom crust and short ends off bread and discard. Cut remaining bread with crust into 1-inch cubes (about 10 cups loosely packed). Place cubes in very large bowl. Add oil, thyme, and garlic; toss to coat.

3. Spread cubes out on large rimmed baking sheet. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake until golden and slightly crunchy, stirring occasionally, about 20 minutes. Return toasted bread cubes to same very large bowl.

4. Melt butter in large skillet over medium-high heat. Add mushrooms, onion, celery, and bell pepper. Sauté until soft and juices have evaporated, about 15 minutes. Add sautéed vegetables and parsley to bread cubes.

5. Whisk heavy cream, eggs, salt, and ground pepper in large bowl. Mix custard into bread and vegetables. Transfer mixture to baking dish. Sprinkle cheese over.

Advance Prep: Can be prepared 1 day ahead. Cover and refrigerate.

Reduce heat (or preheat if making the second day) of oven to 350°F. Bake, uncovered until set and top is golden, about 1 hour. Let stand 15 minutes.

Yum.

For dessert, I'm going to attempt a Chocolate-Pistachio Torte with Warm Chocolate Ganache. This is really the stretch dish for me, because I'm still not comfortable as a baker...and my oven can be kinda cranky. But, the picture is really pretty, don't you think? I'll try and post a picture of my version, so wish me luck!

Give Me a B! And, I'll take it gladly!

Checked the old grades online today (man, this modern schooling thing is great!!), and there was a B next to the Pantry entry. Again, if we go by the alleged Head Chef scale--remember the "If you got an A, you wouldn't be here," philosophy?--then, I did okay.

It is somewhat disheartening to constantly wonder if I really did get an A or was I solid B student? Heck, I know I'm worrying too much about it, and a B is a perfectly acceptable grade. We'll just think of it like B for Butter, which is very palatable. : )

4 days until Christmas!! And, have I finished the shopping yet? Since I just posed that question, you can guess the answer. I did get the Chiclet a really cool thing. It's pop-up (or should that be pop-out?) measuring cups. We have to carry so much stuff in our knife kits, including a set of metal measuring cups, that it's hard to get them to roll and close. I'm thinking that this might make it just a little easier for her. Aren't they cool?(Of course, I got a set for myself, too...how can you resist such fun things! And, it came with a bonus set of measuring spoons that sort of fold in upon themselves. I so love The Container Store!)

This afternoon at SS, we had 9 or so 11-year old girls who made meals as birthday party favors. They got to make a braided bread, a half-entree, and a half-dessert. How cool is that? These "cooking" birthday parties are becoming a very popular thing at our store, and I think it's great. It really beats the heck out of pin the tail on the donkey (or elephant, whichever way your political leanings lie), plus it introduces them to the concept that cooking can be fun. If I had the proverbial nickel for everyone who came in the door and said how much they hated to cook but that coming to Super Suppers was fun and they'd definitely do it again, I'd have a nice chunk of change.

Seriously, why are so many people afraid of cooking? Probably because they were never allowed to cook as a child, or they had mothers who fed them spaghetti sauce made with ketchup (yes, I know I should let that go, but how can I?!!) And, the cult of the celebrity chef is a two-edged sword at times. It can inspire both the creative juices and that little frisson of fear up the back of your neck when you actually have to produce something for someone...trust me, been there.

Anyway, the girls seemed to be having a good time as they made their meals. They were the funniest when it came to the bread, and I guess I hadn't realized exactly how much of a forearm workout that you get when rolling out dough until I watched them struggling. Hmmm...maybe that should give rise to a whole lineup at Food Network: Aerobics in the Kitchen. I work up a sweat while sitting on the couch and watching ol' Rachael Ray do the hand jive every time she explains a meal, a technique, etc. That girl must burn 5,ooo calories a minute...and I burn at least 200-300 just being annoyed with her, I'm sure.

Gotta go put in some time at the ol' laundry pit down in the basement of doom. We're heading to see The Man's tribe somewhere near the Arctic Circle...at least that's where he likes to pretend he's from with all his "you've never really been cold" diatribes...you would think he comes from Yetis instead of perfectly lovely folks. (For the record, I have been in St. Cloud, MN on Christmas Day before, and it was a balmy -10 °F, thank you very much. I consider that too damn cold in my book.) Anyway, gotta make sure I have clean long johns and other survival gear for the northward trek. Oh, and presents...gotta wrap the presents...gotta finish getting the presents first.

Happy Howlidays to you all from all of us here at Poodlevania--me, The Man, and Banes of our Existence: Rickety Fat Dog, The Goldfish, and The New Hotness.

T-Bird for Two

I proclaimed that this Thanksgiving was a "stay at home and shovel out the hovel" holiday, so we didn't go anywhere...which can really be interesting when you decide to cook Thanksgiving for Two. (I probably should have gotten a couple of Banquet Hungry Man TV Dinners and been done with it, but, oh, no, I'm a Culinary Student, so I gotta produce something grand and wonderful. Sometimes, I should just smack myself. Hard.)

So, I picked up the Thanksgiving issue of Bon Appetit and decided to run with a couple of things out of that. Here's what we had:

Good Eats Roast Turkey
Mashed Yukon Gold Potatoes
Green Beans with Shallots and Bacon
The Cranberry Salad That Feeds a 1000
Savory Bread Pudding with Mushrooms & Parmesan Cheese
Yeast Rolls
Apple-Pineapple-Cranberry Crisp

Yep, finally brined a turkey. It was a tiny turkey (11 pounds), but I thought it wouldn't be too overwhelming. The brining made it very moist, even though I cooked it breast-side up. (The debate on the breast thing probably rivals that whole "over or under toilet paper role" brouhaha that Dear Ann and Abby had going in the 80s. Seriously.)

I did it the Alton Way, which was very simple, and he puts it in breast side up. I couldn't figure out if I was supposed to put the cinnamon sticks in with the rest of the aromatics, because SOMEONE (The Man) forgot to bring the Good Eats DVD with the Romancing the Bird episode home from work, and I missed recording the show when it was on earlier. So, I threw them in anyway. What the hell. And, it seemed to work...at least it didn't taste like a Cinnamon Red Hot. (Add those little suckers and Atomic Fireballs to the list of things I hate...for some reason, hot cinnamon is just vile, vile I tell you.)

The really new and different thing I tried this year was the Savory Bread Pudding with Mushrooms and Parmesan Cheese, which we promptly renamed Mushroom-Parmesan Gratin, because the idea of a "savory" bread pudding sort of squeed both of us out. Bread pudding is for rum sauce or bourbon sauce...not 'shrooms and Parm. We could get into that whole "dressing versus stuffing" thing that seems to run along the same lines that the War of Northern Agression did, but we won't. Confession time: I kinda like both, if they are both done well. Ain't nothing worse than mediocre dressing and/or bland stuffing. (And, thanks to my friend Kimma, I have a small pan of bona fide Southern dressing to eat with the leftovers. I think she thought I needed a backup plan. : ) )

Anywhooooo, the "gratin" as we're calling it turned out quite nicely. It's kind of like a quiche with the crust mixed in. I'm actually having some for breakfast this morning. The only change I made was to use red bell pepper instead of green. Can't abide the green. I would definitely make this again, and not just for Turkey Day. The recipe suggests that it would be a good vegetarian meal option (provided they are ovo-lacto vegetarians) or would be nice for lunch with a salad, a la quiche.

For dessert, I did the Apple, Cranberry, and Pineapple Crisp, which Epicurious doesn't seem to have listed in the database. It was pretty good--not as sweet as other desserts, which can be a welcome change. Not to fear, Kimma made sure we were supplied with a backup dessert of something called a "boat sinker," which is a chocolate pie so dense that if you eat it, you could sink any boat you boarded. That recipe starts with 5 (yes, that was 5, V, five, cinco) sticks of butter, so you know it's gotta be good. It's best eaten in small slices, so you don't have a Titanic situation on your hands.

Apple, Cranberry, and Pineapple Crisp (Bon Appetit November 2006)
6 servings

Topping
1 cup (packed) golden brown sugar
3/4 cup all purpose flour
10 Tbs (1 1/4 stick) unsalted butter, diced, room temp
1 cup old-fashioned oats
1 cup chopped pecans

Filling

1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground allspice
1 1/4 pounds Golden Delicious apples (about 3 medium), peeled, cored, cut into 1/4-inch slices
2 cups fresh cranberries
2 cups 1/2-inch cubes peeled cored fresh pineapple

Vanilla ice cream

For topping:
Whisk brown sugar and flour in a medium bowl. Add butter; cut in with back of a fork until mixture is crumbly. Add oats and pecans; blend until clumps form. (Topping can be prepared 1 day ahead; keep chilled.)

For filling:
Whisk first 4 ingredients together in a large bowl. Add apples, cranberries, and pineapple. Stir until fruit is evenly coated. Let stand until juices form, tossing occasionally, at least 30 minutes.

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees F. Spread filling in an 11x7-inch glass baking dish. Sprinkle topping evenly over. Bake crisp until filling bubbles thickly and topping is crisp and brown, about 40-45 minutes. Let cool at least 15 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature with ice cream.

All in all, a nice little meal with some leftovers, but not too many. Everything was pretty tasty, the firemen weren't cranky about being called out on a false alarm...oh, I didn't mention that part, did I? In cooking the Good Eats turkey, Alton's directions tell you to crank the oven up to a rip roarin' 500 degrees F and throw the bird in for 30 minutes to brown and crisp the skin. You then reduce the heat to 350 degrees and continue roasting. What he does not mention is that while the oven is cranked up as far as its little coils will go, that there might be smoke...especially if you maybe haven't cleaned the oven in a while, or dripped oil on the side of the pan, etc.

So, there was smoke. Which, predictably, drifted out of the oven when I opened it, formed into the shape of an arrow, and made a beeline for the smoke detector in the hall. The smoke detector that's part of the security system, which has monitors that call to check before sending out the fire department. The phone rang exactly 1 time. I thought The Man got it and explained the situation, but evidently the alarm company decided that they shouldn't wait for us. So, I'm running around, opening windows, and airing the place out, when I hear the distant wail of sirens...sirens that are getting closer by the minute. The Man went out to greet them, and explain that it wasn't really a fire. The fireguys were very nice about it (yeah firemen!) and commented that it kept the day from being boring.

The poodles were on sensory overload by this time--fire alarm, fire trucks, roasting turkey--it was a wonder their little heads didn't explode...which was a good thing, because I'm betting it's harder to find a vet on Thanksgiving Day than it is to find a fireman.

Gobble, gobble.