The Second Horseman (Horseperson?)

of the Apocalypse has just shown up. (Remember the first one arrived when my sister was the logical one in the family).

Gone are the days when a mere deep-fried Twinkie could bring tears of joy and terror (depending on whether or not you like deep-fried Twinkies)...Behold, I give you Deep-fried Coca-Cola!

(Credit where credit is due (and where I first saw this...this...mind-numbing"delicacy") goes to White Trash Mom, which is a funny little blog about the joys of being a White Trash Mom. And, I totally swiped the same picture from a Google search, too.)

The article is from the Dallas-Ft. Worth Star Telegram and discusses a contest for fair food at the upcoming Texas State Fair. You gotta wonder when the judges listed include "Jami Edwards, a Marilyn Monroe impersonator." (I could not make this stuff up, even if I worked for the National Enquirer...)

How exactly does one make money as a Marilyn impersonator? I can kinda sorta maybe understand the Elvis thing, because at least they sing or attempt to sing or jump out of airplanes together, but What Would Marilyn Do, besides sing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President"? Not that I'm knocking MM, because I think Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is a classic comedy and one of my favorite musical movies. I just want to give diamonds a chance to be my best friends.

I digress...

The other entries in the contest were as follows:

Deep Fried Cosmopolitan -- A fried pastry filled with cheesecake and topped with a sweet and tangy cranberry glaze and a lime wedge. Served on a stick. ("On a stick" is one of the key requirements for any festival food. It just tastes better, for some reason.)

Donkey Tails -- Large all-beef franks, slit on one side and generously stuffed with sharp Cheddar cheese, wrapped in a large flour tortilla and fried until golden brown. Served with mustard chili sauce or Ruth's salsa.(What the 3rd and 4th Horsemen/people ate for dinner last night and has caused them to be late to the party!) (Also, you can insert your own personal rude joke about what other donkey thing this might remind you of...possibly a donkey by-product? Sigh...)

Fernie's Fried Choco-rito -- A flour tortilla stuffed with marshmallows, coconut, candy bar pieces, caramel morsels and cinnamon then dipped in pancake batter and deep-fried to a crispy, crunchy outside and sweet, gooey inside. Drizzled with honey and topped with whipped cream.(I'm kind of speechless at the effort it took to make this thing...way too many ingredients for proper mass festival food production!)

Fernie's Fried Mac-n-cheese -- Texas-sized bites of macaroni and cheese, covered with a layer of garlic- and herb-flavored bread crumbs and deep fried until crispy outside and hot and cheesy inside. Served on a stick with a side of dipping sauces. (This Fernie person has got a lot of free time on his/her hands to be coming up with all this deep-friedness! However, I must admit that I have eaten a version of fried mac and cheese nuggets (which were on a stick!) and lived to tell the tale. It was a festival...it was on a stick...there was some beer involved, I think.)

Fried Coke -- Smooth spheres of Coca-Cola-flavored batter that are deep fried, drizzled with pure Coke fountain syrup, topped with whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry. Served in souvenir contoured glasses.("Souvenir glass?" What is that--a thanks for memories...as in I hope to remember never to eat this abomination ever again? Like you need the reminder...)

Fried Praline Perfection -- Plump coconut and pecan pralines, battered and fried to a rich golden crust. Served warm with powdered sugar.(As if you needed to ADD anything to pralines?!!!)

I'm off to the lab to work on a deep-fried Red Velvet Cake Stuffed Burrito. Any takers? I'll put it on a stick. : )